I walked to the store earlier to pick up some milk so I could make fudge and then I made the fudge. Stirring for twenty minutes is surprisingly back breaking work, especially with wrists like mine that seem to be prematurely arthritic. Walking in the cold has also left me feeling incredibly cold for the entire day which is something I don’t understand, but I’m sitting here in a thermal and a sweatshirt with the heat turned up higher than I’d like and I still don’t feel warm. I made fudge the old fashioned way with milk and baking chocolate, but I either neglected to stir it long enough, apparently it can take up to thirty minutes instead of my paltry twenty, or I didn’t get the temperature quite high enough, which is odd because I was using a thermometer, and it doesn’t seem to have set quite right. It’s the consistency of a soft caramel which just won’t do. It is incredibly creamy and delicious though, so it’s not all for naught. I think I’m going to rescue it by cutting it, freezing it, and then dipping the pieces in white chocolate which should make for amazing truffles. First though I’ve just put in the fridge to make sure that I’m not just being impatient and it will set eventually. My depression is getting the better of me right now though, I’m cold, it’s dark, I’m sitting here alone with just the light of my screen to guide me. I’m not sure what to type about today, I really just don’t give a shit about the news. It’s obviously all still terrible. It’s going to continue being terrible and frankly on days like this one when I’m not feeling well I’m probably just going to do my best to let all the news I hear slip through my mind. It’s probably important that people feel up to fighting, which I obviously don’t, but at the same time if you constantly ignore the news when you feel awful you’ll never know what to fight. It seems like a problem that on the one hand you need to take care of yourself by stepping away, but on the other hand you have to be in Trump’s filthy swamp to know what to fight. You can’t be in both places at once and if you’re like me you feel bad if you do step away. I don’t feel like I have a right to feel bad, I have every privilege you can have in this society outside of money and tons of other people have far less than me, so my feeling bad is a betrayal it seems. I’m sure on some level that’s symptomatic of depression, to think like that I mean, but ultimately the conflict at least is pressuring me to type this explanation which will hopefully make some sense. I stepped out for an hour or so earlier to read a novel and when I popped back into reality Trump had apparently potentially fucked shit up by talking to the president of Taiwan and saying something dumb. I saw on Twitter someone suggesting that we’d better hope that the Chinese realize it wasn’t a purposeful destruction of diplomatic norms, which I suppose is probably true, but those diplomatic norms are just another kind of political correctness. How we describe Taiwan in relation to China is politically correct speech, we try to ride this line of having a policy that the Chinese government don’t love but ultimately are willing to abide and part of it is speaking in a coded language that respects everyone’s interest in not really talking about the subject frankly. That’s political correctness, being precise and respectful with language to help members of a society to get along more smoothly. It hardly seems shocking that a man who obviously sees no value in one realm of political correctness would fail to see the value of delicate language in another; especially when that man is an ignoramus, racist, rapist, narcissistic asshole like Trump is. Obviously you don’t have to value interpersonal political correctness to see the value of it in the realm of diplomacy, but it seems that it’s the same personal failing in Trump that accounts for his ignorance for it’s place in both realms. I suppose this is the point at which I go back to my banal life and tie it all together with some misplaced metaphor, but outside of wanting things to go smoothly and my fudge being quite smooth I’ve got nothing. I suppose it’s important to realize that respecting norms, people, and modes of speech has value outside of being decent to other people, diplomatically it can be the difference between war and peace as overblown as that sounds.